Taiwan’s LGBT Referendums: Fear, Hurt, and Love

I was only 13 when I got my first love letter from another girl, a very close friend. I had no idea about LGBT+ at the time and was horrified—How could a girl like me in a romantic way? My young, undeveloped mind could not understand what it meant. At the time, I had not even heard of the term “gay” or “lesbian” before, so this was entirely new and unfamiliar to me. And the idea that my close girlfriend—whom I hung out every day and went to restroom hand-in-hand with (that was a junior high school girls’ thing) liked me in the way a boy liked a girl or vice versa, was so unusual it felt abnormal to even talk about it.

Grabbing that letter, I rushed home and showed it to my parents, asking for guidance. But they did not have the least idea of what being gay/lesbian was either. Horrified as I was, my parents asked me not to be friends with the girl anymore. “Stay away from her,” they told me, worrying that their little girl might get “hurt.”

So that’s what I did. The day right after she had given me the love letter, I yelled at the girl and pretended to be tired of being her friend. Maybe my yelling was not all fake because she was the “weird” one, or so I thought back then.

Ten years flew by. I have made a lot of friends, some of them gay and lesbian, and I love them just as I love all my friends. So do my parents, who have also come around. While the fierce debate on the same-sex marriage and gender education referendums is storming social media as my personal friends air their pro-LGBT+ views, I wonder what the conversations among the parents’ generation look like.

Therefore, I collected some conversations my friends had with their parents and asked to view some private chats on the phones of people in their 50s and 60s—exactly my parents’ generation—in the hope of better understanding different views. I did not want to see the slogans that the LGBT+ opponents are pushing, but the more private, intimate personal opinions.

A lot was shared in LINE group chats, most of the discussions being forwarded messages and videos. I soon noticed they were very likely from the same sources because the same messages and videos appeared in different groups chats again and again, and group members did not know each other well. Aside from these second-hand (or third or more) sources, personal views were scarce, but I compiled the views I did find into general categories below, along with some direct quotes.

1. “They just think it’s cool”

This is what I read in one of the group chats: “The young people just think they are on the cutting edge of social trends by supporting LGBT+ and protecting human rights,” a parent said, “But they don’t give a thought about how much the society will have to pay.”

Following this, the conversation switched to how parents in modern society have spoiled their children, which makes young people too arrogant to listen to elder members of the family and thus deviating from the supposed norms and values. “The society is changing,” they sigh. “This is a time of ‘I-can-do-whatever-I-want’, and they just think supporting the LGBT is cool.”

2. A “chaotic” society

This is the most intuitive, common reaction and accusation parents tend to have towards LGBT+ issues. Accustomed to the idea of monogamy and having practiced it for most of their lives, parents find homosexuality fundamentally unimaginable.

Forwarded widely in the LINE group chats are photos featuring gay couples (usually in bikinis) kissing on the street. “If you vote ‘for’, this is what you will see on the streets EVERY DAY when you drive your kids to school.” If you want to defend your rights to NOT seeing men in bikinis kissing on the streets, and to protect your children from seeing them, vote no.

3. In the name of our kids

As for sex education, “not too early,” a parent said. “Not before the kids are mature enough and mentally prepared.” There are several videos featuring a mom flipping through textbooks for primary, junior high, and high schools. She points out the “inappropriate” information for kids that are “too young for this.”

In one of the videos, she even uses her devices to look up a link to a university-based academic center for sexualities studies referred to on a textbook. After about five clicks she says, “Look! Here you can find the definitions of bestiality and teacher-student relationship.” Progressive? Parents shake their heads. “We have to protect the kids from seeing this kind of stuff.”

4. The domino effect

“For adolescents, all the LGBT+ information can mess up their own self-identities and sexualities.” Parents worry, “our kids would want to explore same-sex relationships and even become homosexuals as a consequence.” This is the ultimate nightmare for parents—children becoming gays.

What’s the “unacceptable” part of all that, parents did not say.

***

From the conversations around me so far in my life, I have only heard one mother (approximately in her late 40s) explicitly expressing her unreserved support for LGBT+. “Why are you so supportive?” I asked out of curiosity. “Because I have a close guy friend who is!” she answered bubbly, “I’ve known him for almost two decades, and one day our group of close friends just forced him to come out. When he shyly did, we were all so happy for him and demanded him bring our ‘brother-in-law’ to our next hangout!”

Friends! I thought to myself. Maybe that is the most fundamental reason: distance and unfamiliarity. We tend to be afraid of ideas we are not accustomed to, just like my parents and me ten years ago. But friendship and familiarity can tear down the wall of distrust, disgust, and distance. Looking back, I found it hilarious that we even thought she could be “dangerous” in some way. Had we had some close family friends who are gay, perhaps things could be different. “She is a great and person like everyone else,” we might think, “and therefore people who are LGBT+ are just people like everyone else.”

At the end of the day, the debates are not about reasoning and logic. It is not about what makes more sense and what does not, but about feelings and emotions. It is not just chasing the social trends and being “cool.” When you have a friend who is marginalized in society and has to face all the accusations and prejudice from other people, it is an instinct to stand up for your friend. It’s that easy. That is, however, the most difficult thing to conquer, to bridge the gap between different filter bubbles and social media groups. Because it is hard to make other people feel the same way that you do as a friend. Feelings and experiences are difficult to copy and paste.

This is probably one of the reasons LGBT+ advocates share more interview videos on social media. When communicated through a personal story, it’s easier to get people to listen. Through the sharing of experiences and feelings, things get more personal, and that’s what can really touch the hearts and change the status quo.

Once in a while, I still think of the girl I met ten years ago. I have lost touch with her since graduation. Where is she now? Has she found another girl that she wants to spend the rest of her life with? Whenever I hear protests against sex education, my first thought is: Maybe I would not have made such a big mistake if I had been better educated about sexualities and respect. My parents embrace all my homosexual friends now.

Back when I was 13, the idea was new to them back then, after all. It was to all of us. But the wound was already there, and I cannot help my friend heal it. If all the videos and posts supporting LGBT+ can convey one message, it is to prevent more people from getting hurt.